Beyond the Gift (A Valentine’s Day post)
The origin of Valentine's Day can be traced back to ancient Roman and Christian traditions. The association of Valentine's Day with romantic love began to gain prominence in the Middle Ages. Over the centuries, Valentine's Day gradually evolved into a day dedicated to expressing love and affection to one's romantic partner, as well as to friends and family. The oldest known Valentine’s Day message is a poem written in 1415, housed in the British Library.
The exchange of cards, gifts, and tokens of affection became central to the modern celebration. However, many bemoan the further evolution of the day into an excuse for retailers to capitalize on our need to love and be loved.
Instead of (or alongside, if you insist) giving gifts to your significant other on Valentines’ Day, it might be fun to consider how to connect on a deeper, more emotional level that surpasses the sameness of flowers, candy and cologne.
Renowned couples therapists and researchers, John and Julie Gottman helpfully refer to these as rituals of connection. These rituals serve as meaningful gestures of connection, deepening the emotional ties that bind us. They create lasting memories and reaffirm the importance of love in our lives.
Send it in a letter, write it on the wall
One such cherished ritual is the exchange of heartfelt messages. Whether through handwritten notes, carefully chosen cards, or a well-timed text, these messages convey emotions that don’t come as easily when in your partner’s presence. The act of putting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, allows for a moment of reflection, an opportunity to articulate the depth of one's feelings.
These messages become treasured keepsakes, serving as a reminder of the enduring love shared between two individuals.
Feed each other
Sharing a meal is a ritual that creates sensations that can be deeply bonding. Whether it's a homemade dinner cooked with tender care or a reservation at a favourite restaurant, breaking bread together is an act of intimacy and connection. The setting, the food, and the conversation create a space for couples to bond, to laugh, and to savour the moments they share. It's a time to appreciate the company of the person who holds a special place in your heart. Consider putting your phones away and see how it feels to be truly present with and interested in each other.
Two become one
For couples in more established relationships, physical touch can sometimes be forgotten in the daily routine of work, children or other commitments. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone), as well as improve mood and a sense of calmness. Holding hands, hugging, touching, and making out can reduce your stress hormones (cortisol) and increase your relationship satisfaction. When life gets too busy, use Valentine’s Day as a trigger to spend intimate time together. Book a hotel room or leave the kids with a trusted caregiver and get in bed together. Fully immerse yourselves in rediscovering what pleasure means for you and your partner.
Start something new
Critics of Valentine’s Day often view the second half of the name with derision – just one day feels empty and obligatory. But what if the fun didn’t have to stop at midnight? Think about a longer-term activity you and your partner might enjoy together that can continue beyond just the day.
For some, the act of creating something together becomes a cherished ritual. Whether it's painting a canvas, cooking a new recipe, or even building a piece of furniture, the collaborative effort brings a sense of unity and accomplishment. It allows partners to tap into their creativity, fostering a deeper connection through shared experiences and shared achievements. For others, starting a new exercise or a new walking route together can be a great way to kick off a happiness-inducing habit.
Singles can mingle too
Fans of the television sitcom Parks & Rec will be familiar with the concept of ‘Gal-entine’s Day’, an opportunity for friends to meet and celebrate their friendship on Valentine’s Day. Apparently the male version of this is ‘Male-ntine’s’ Day (but don’t quote me on that; also why does it need to be a gender specific gathering?) Valentine's Day is not only about romantic partnerships; it's also a day to acknowledge and celebrate the love we share with friends and family. Taking the time to express gratitude and affection towards these individuals fosters a sense of belonging and strengthens bonds of kinship.
In the tapestry of love, these rituals are the threads that bind us together. They create a sense of continuity, a shared history, and a promise of a future filled with moments of connection. From handwritten notes to collaborative endeavours, Valentine's Day rituals serve as a testament to the enduring power of love in our lives. They are a celebration of the human capacity to connect, to cherish, and to hold each other close.
Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!
Originally posted on https://theotherclinic.sg/notebook/
